Benedict Arnold

I have always considered myself a loyal American. I grew up in a family in which I was always the black sheep. While my brother was fighting in Vietnam, I was attending the March on Washington to protest the war. I laughed as Nixon resigned on national T.V.. Even as my lifelong Republican dad berated me for not respecting "the office of the President!" I loved Bill Clinton, even after he got a BJ from that fat chick, in the White House. I still considered myself an American, while enduring 8 years of leadership by, arguably, the stupidest world leader in the history of mankind.

But, finally I've hit a wall. I am considering renouncing my citizenship. Where will I go. I'm leaning towards Slovenia. Apparently, they only have a population of 3 million. So, I figure there is plenty of room for growth.

You see I am rooting AGAINST the U.S. soccer team in today's World Cup match. I am a huge sports fan, yet I just can't sign off on this World Cup "fever" nonsense, that is supposedly gripping our nation. I hope that if the U.S. is eliminated from the tournament the media will stop bombarding us with this made up interest in soccer.

I was actually ready to at least watch the U.S. games. But these games are unwatchable. The continuous buzzing sound conjures up nightmares of some of my worst drug flashbacks! South Africa scores a great international coup by landing the games. It brings much needed attention and income to the region. And, yet the citizenry of South Africa insist on continuing to play those infernal horns during the games, despite making it impossible for casual fans to watch these matches. They exercise their newly gained human rights, even at the risk of tainting this prestigious world event. Hopefully, the loss of T.V. viewership, will be outweighed by local sales of vuvuzelas,( the traditional African horns), and earplugs. Earplug sales by the African company Utanga is approaching $50,000.

These horns only detract from a game that is already unwatchable on T.V.. I understand that soccer is the most popular game in the world. But, in the U.S. we have a lot of great games to watch. Games, where after the players run around for awhile, someone usually scores! And someone usually wins. And, the fans know when the games will end.

Well, before I could complete this article, the U.S. came back to tie(I'm sorry, got a DRAW with), Slovenia, 2 to 2. Wow, a real scoring explosion. Too bad there wasn't a winner, and the referee had to tell everyone that it was over.

So, depending on what happens in games later today, the U.S. may, or may not be eliminated from the tournament. In the meantime, I will watch the U.S. Open golf tournament, then Steven Strasberg's next game. Oh, and also do some research on Slovenia, and perhaps make some tentative travel plans.