Can I Get A Witness?

If a bear farts in the woods, and there is no one there, does it make a sound. That doesn't sound quite right, but...oh well.

I have done a lot of soul searching, in recent days. In fact I have just returned from a weekend sabbatical in the mountains of Tabet. I sometimes go there to clear my head, through prayer and meditation. I also like to partake of the local native girls, and the exotic foods the region has to offer.

You see, I have recently found myself on the horns of a dilemma. Those of you that have ever been on the horns of a dilemma, know just how painful that can be.

My problem is this: I am getting very little feedback regarding my new blog. I have become discouraged. And, it is not as if I haven't done my part to get the word out. I am paying 2 dollars a day to advertise my new blog. And, I have repeatedly contacted my two friends, to encourage them to read, and spread the word about my blog. Hey, I'm only one man.

Just when I was about to give up on continuing to share my words of wisdom, a wonderful thing happened. I logged on to my page today (that's computer talk), and found that a new "friend" had "joined" my blog. It reminded me of something my son said to me recently," Baby steps". How true. No matter that he is a social retard, and a drain on society. His words still ring true.

What I did in Tibet, was try to come up with new ideas to make myself known. I was watching T.V. recently. My favorite show was on," Paris Hilton's New Best Friend, England". It made me think, what do basically talentless people do, to become famous? And then it came to me, almost in a vision. They make a sex tape, and "accidentally" put it on the internet.

I gotta go. If Pamela, Lindsey and my beloved Paris can do it, why not me? Sure, the sight of me naked, will repulse people, at first. And, chances are the only woman who will have sex with me will be very fat and ugly. No matter. I owe it to my readers to become more known. And you know, there is no such thing as bad publicity.

Even though I'd like to think I would continue to write this column, with a limited number of readers, that's probably not true. After all, if the Pope wears a funny hat in the woods, and no one sees it, is it still funny?